Wednesday, 12 October 2016

Harmonious Relationships

Photo by: Everton Villa

Through my coaching with couples and coaching individuals about their relationships, common areas of unworkability regularly arise. I often hear 'how can they possibly think that about X when I've told them over and over and made it very clear about X' Another is 'they just don't understand what I am dealing with'

The breakdown is generally about how it should occur for the other person rather than how it actually occurs. We can be that it should occur differently for our partner for a very long time and nothing will ever shift. That's because the shift needs to happen with you before anything can shift with them. Don't see how it should occur for them rather how it actually does no matter how rediculous that may seem at the time. Then the communication will start to flow and have real depth and positive impact on your relationships.

The block to making this happen is that we are generally reluctant to shift our position. We want to be right! In fact we are more committed to being right than to have our relationships work. This is just a natural state of being for humans and comes from our defence mechanism. So don't make yourself wrong and don't try and fight this mechanism just see it for what it is and then give up being right!

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